Teachers from Kenton Bar School old days – Miss Holmes

Miss Holmes was the spitting double of TV celebrity Esther Rantzen. I don’t have any great memories about Miss Holmes herself except that she was a capable and kind teacher. What I do remember though is the magnet drawer in her classroom……………hee hee. One kid who shall remain nameless was messing with me during Miss Holmes reading of a story. He kept kicking me and shoving me with his horrible left foot, shod in a nice black brogue shoe….. “How can I use the magnet drawer to punish the bastard?” I thought to myself. I opened the magnet drawer and extracted two long pins – just regular sewing type pins and proceeded to jam them down one of the holes in the toe of his left hand black shiny brogue shoe. He kicked no longer oh brothers – nay he wept from then onwards……

Factoids about Miss Holmes:

• There was in fact only one set of teeth like Esther Rantzen’s existing in the world at that time. This meant that Miss Holmes and Esther had to time share the teeth. This is THE reason why Esther was never seen on morning or afternoon television AND the reason why Miss Holmes and Esther were never seen together at any location
• Once Miss Holmes had finished teaching the teeth were handed over to a special courier in the school car park. They were then whisked to London by fast carrier pigeon in time for any appearances Esther might have to make that evening
• On weekends Miss Holmes got the bottom set and Esther got the top
• Miss Holmes also organised a group of clowns to come into the school one time. The clowns had gathered in the school hall and we were told we had to go to the hall for some reason. On entering the clowns locked the doors with Miss Holmes and all the other teaching staff outside. I was sure we had been kidnapped and spent the next 2 hours shitting my pants with fear……

 

Kenton Bar Pyramid Appreciation Society